i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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