yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
