so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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