Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just found puke in my bra..
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
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