I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
