Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
