the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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