I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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