You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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