did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
