That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
