I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You are a genius and a whore.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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