yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
