I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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