Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize
