Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
