so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
