Do you still have your period?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
