please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
