yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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