I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
