Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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