Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Randomize
