worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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