My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
