That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
