My hand turned me down
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
