i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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