If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
