I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
