he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
