It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
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