We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
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He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
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My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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