everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
