I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
