All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
