just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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