I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
