dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
one might say we're banned from that church
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
