I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The struggles of a small town man whore
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize