there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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