this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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