I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
