apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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