He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
