I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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