He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
