Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Never let your siblings swipe right.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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