my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
