when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
