Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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