Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
