Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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