the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
