he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
