i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Houston, we have a blender
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
