No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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