McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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