I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
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In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
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after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
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