Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
