you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
