I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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