No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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