I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
