Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
