I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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