currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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