I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize