Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
