tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
