thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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