I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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