carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
