I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
Heโs exactly what Iโm looking for: heโs got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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