I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
