i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
