I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
