he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
