The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
