Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
