with your own penis?
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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