I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
