I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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