I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
