Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
