i was born a porn star she said
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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