I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
