ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
