Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
